Yet Another Problem With the Music Industry or; Cock-Fighting Pigeons?

Before we begin; an open letter to the recorded music business. Another one. I know I’ve done it before (see Kanye, Kim & The Poor Little Lesbian, The Curious Case of Nikki Minaj and her Skin Colour or; Burn it All, Two Cups of Tea & I’m Still Not a Belieber) but I want to do it again.

Dear The Recorded Music Business,

Where the hell do you get off? Huh? How dare you keep allowing these inconsiderate pricks to release songs? You know the people I’m on about. The ones who don’t care about me, the listener, they just care about releasing whatever is going to make them money next. Some of us are going through a Morrissey-esque I’ve-never-been-loved-and-nobody-wants-me phase and yet you continue to allow songs that invoke real feelings to be played across the airwaves. Where are all the Nikki Minaj’s? Where are all the Little Waynes? Nobody wants to hear songs about real emotions, you fools! There is no demand for it any more. All you’re doing is making people feel and that is not cool. People just want to hear songs about how good someone elses life is compared to their own. I want to hear songs about how many cars someone has or how many women they take home every night or how someone is more talented than “all you other bitches”, etc, etc, not songs about love lost or bridges burnt or the realities of having to live in a materialistic world where we are all consumed by the little things that don’t matter as opposed to the big things that do. You are destroying society. Nobody wants to feel. Feelings are gay. Anyway, rant over. Now on to the good shit. The real shit. The important shit that actually means something.

Heroin, Glee & I’m Going to Fuck Up Your Kitchen.

So one of the guys from ‘Glee’ is dead then, eh? Misadventure strikes again! That’s what it’s called, isn’t it? ‘Misadventure’. When you die from taking drugs and that. It’s a pretty awesome term. Very apt. I’d prefer the expression “funned himself to death” as in he had so much fun he died. Because he probably did. If you take heroin chances are you have a laugh when you’re on it and you can’t have a laugh without fun, therefore, he was funned to death. He funned himself. It has a nice ring to it.

Fingerslamming – The Miles Lloyd Way

Guess what I’m having right now? I’m having tea in a mug that says “Maryland Cookies” and I’m having it with a Kit-Kat because fuck the rules. That’s because why. That’s because why? Hmmm… I think I may be broken.

Jokes. I’m not broken. I’m better than ever because I can now play The Lovecats on they keyboard, which sounds just like a piano, and if that doesn’t get the ladies lining up I don’t know what will. I do know a roofie guy as a back-up plan though.

Interviews With Bands and That or; Zookeepers

Hello again, world. I’ve started interviewing local bands for a website I work for. Here’s the first if you want to watch it. If you don’t, just go read one of my posts and know that I respect you that little bit less.

Kanye, Kim & The Poor Little Lesbian

I spoke too soon yesterday. I just found out than Justine Beiber wrote the words “I like to think she would have been a Belieber” in the guestbook of the Anne Frank museum.

Is she actually that deluded? Is it even possible for an 18 year old gay woman who calls herself a “talented” singer/songwriter who’s music only appeals to people who have no idea what music, or talent, is to be called sane? One of her fans once tweeted how Justine Beiber was more talented than Kurt Cobain because she has more followers. That’s brilliantly ignorant.

The Curious Case of Nikki Minaj and her Skin Colour or; Burn it All.

I just saw rock-bottom of the music industry. You might have thought it hit rock bottom when manufactured bands were put together purely for profit, like One Direction or The Sex Pistols, with absolutely no interest or love for music or talent. We can’t forget the talent. You know, force feed kids some music being played by a group of suckers and fools so much they think they’re enjoying it. Well that phase has come to and end.

Tongues, Vowels & Neutral Milk Hotel.

First things first, why aren’t you still drunk and listening to Neutral Milk Hotel? You don’t know who they are? Then stop reading this, delete my Facebook and let me know so I can block you on Twitter. If you do know who they are then we should make out. Hard. Tongues and everything. Unless you’re a dude. Or weird looking. I think what I’m saying is if you’re a hot girl and listen to Neutral Milk Hotel I wanna make out with you. Actually, I don’t even care if you’ve heard of Neutral Milk Hotel. I just want to know what it feels like to make out with someone I find hot for a change.

Two Cups of Tea & I’m Still Not a Belieber

That’s right. I just drank two cups of tea in twenty minutes and I’m not even impressed with myself. If anything I have let myself down. I need to be punished. For every cigarette I smoke today I will burn my arm with it once until I learnt o man the fuck up when it comes to drinking tea. Though I very, very rarely drink more than two cups of tea in twenty minutes.  then I get all full up on tea and lazy. Plus sometimes that much milk makes me feel sick, so if I was going to put cigarettes out on my arm every time I failed to drink more than two cups of tea every twenty minutes it would be loss than a week before I was nothing but a leathery, burn, scared mess of a human, covered in weeping sores and terrifying myself every time I lit a fag, and that is not how I want to live my life.

I’ve Only Gone and Wound Myself Up.

Have you not seen Geordie Shore? No? You have no idea how lucky you are. I just caught less than five minutes of it and I’m pretty sure I’ll be having nightmares for weeks to come. I remember when MTV use to have awesome shows on it, written by actually talented/clever people. I use to watch Beavis & Butthead, or The Tom Green Show, or The Sifle & Ollie Show, or The Andy Milonakis Show, or The Andy Dick Show, or Jackass, or Daria. I just done a Wiki to see what shows were on it before my time and guess what? Andy-fucking-Warhol had a show on it. And Jon Stewart. but Andy-fucking-Warhol! How can they go from playing bands like Sonic Youth and The Pixies and Nirvana and Green Day (pre-going shit and doing awful things to their reputation like duet with fucking U2, but that’s for another blog) and Radiohead and having Andy-fucking-Warhol host his own show to just sticking a load of spoilt, pregnant, teenage whores, drunk Northerners  and Lady Gaga?

I imagine that everyone born after the year 2000 will be completely fucking retarded and it’s because of things like this. I use to look up to the people I’d see and hear on TV, but then I’d see people who worked hard to be where they are and get the shows they got, not a bunch of fucking drunken louts who have just lucked out and gotten some piss-poor writers to write them some piss-poor scripts and then hoped that they could act well enough to make it look real, though they don’t because their acting is piss-poor too, but the people who watch it just blindly believe what they’re watching is real because the T.V tells them so. and why would the T.V lie?

And then they talk about how amazing it is! I just searched Twitter for Geordie Shore and some people are saying it’s the best thing they’ve ever seen! What. The. Fuck? They look up to these people who spend their time drunk as shit and embarrassing themselves on the telly and talking about fucking and bitching about each other and swapping boyfriends/girlfriends and these people are now going to think that this is a perfectly reasonable way to act themselves. Our beloved T.V. is forcing these role-models onto kids in some kind of crazy bid to dumb everyone down or something. I don’t know.

You’re a child? and you’re pregnant? don’t worry! We can put you on TV then other children can think that they can become famous and rich by slutting it up, too!

I’m currently listening to a combination of The Flaming Lips and Daniel Johnston. Both acts are a part of the most talented people of our generation and both acts have been played on MTV in the past, but they won’t be played anymore. Why? Because they write, record and produce all their own music and don’t have songs about getting drunk in a club and fucking anyone. The have songs about how nice things can be and love and politics and modern society has no place for making things nice, or love, or real politics.

Fucking cunts. I’m going to be sick onto some Beatles records and The Young Ones box-sets, because why the fuck not? No-one gives a shit about talent and creativity anymore, so why not join them?

And Nikki Minaj can fuck off, too.