Category Archives: Un-Catergorizable

For things that have no home. How sad!

The Funny Thing About Terrorist Attacks or; Why I decided I Didn’t Want to Be God Anymore

So Muslims don’t like satire much, do they? I can see why though. It took me a while to get into it. I wasn’t a fan of either Have I Got News For You  or  Private Eye until I was well into my teens. Still though. When I didn’t like it I never shot anything up. Maybe because I never owned a gun, maybe because I’m not a fucking nutter. Who knows?! God. God knows. That’s who.

Continue reading

Christmas is Dead & The Weirdest Blowjob of 2014.

So there we go. That was Christmas. How was yours? Worth it? Probably not. They never are. I woke up in a cold house on my own and all I got was a convection heater I bought myself, so I guess you can say it might have been one of the best Christmases I’ve ever had. Also, as I wasn’t in my mothers house I didn’t have to listen to a single bit of shit music all day. Christmas is so much better when Adele is out of the equation.

Continue reading

A Quick Reminder I’m Still Alive or: My SEO is important to Me.

Holy shit, guys! Honestly, I think I might have made the greatest blend of coffee of all time. I’m not going to tell you what’s in it because I know how business works. You find someone with an original idea, then rip it off as much as you possibly can. Now, don’t get me wrong, that is what business is, it’s just that some people are better than it than others but only because they lack a heart or apathy. Fucking businessmen. Or women. Businesswomen. I’m not a sexist; women can be dicks too.

Continue reading

How Tories Will Save the Day & Other Hits.

I read the most ridiculous thing in the newspaper yesterday. Or a “news” paper, rather, as they should all be referred to as the only thing about them that actually cannot be said without sarcastic quotation marks is the fact they are all, almost definitely, made out of paper.

Continue reading

Self Harm, My Inner thighs & Other Bad Ideas.

I was just watching a documentary about a ladies prison and it got me thinking. You know how women say that their periods cycles “sync” up with their friends or women they live with or whatever, then does that mean that all the gals in a womans jail “cleanse the damned” at the same time? Imagine that. Imagine the drains! I bet there’s a plumber somewhere showering naked, crying, with a pair of scissors in his hand with a screaming, terrified wife banging at the locked bathroom door, begging him “not to do anything stupid” and to “please come out” but he’s seen to much. He has seen far, far too much. More than any man need see. Some would argue what he’s doing is for the best. Plus, he was thinking of killing himself anyway because he was having a pretty bad time mentally. He’s being blackmailed by some dude who has photos of him sucking of some guys at a festival in Kent. The drains at that prison were just the icing on the cake, really. It’s actually pretty sad when you think about it.

Continue reading

The Fantastically Tragic Death of Franz Reichelt or; My Favourite Fool.

I don’t think it’s fair to have a TV show about people on death row then have the audacity to not show any executions. I have to Google someone getting killed now to satisfy my blood-lust and that means I’m probably going to be on some sort of government watch-list and that is not on. this is exactly why BBC3 needs to be axed.

Continue reading

Avocados, Spicy Dogs & Good Old Fashioned Transvestite Street Fighting.

I was about to start writing a combination of words that would possibly change your life, but I’m going to go and eat some sausages first.

Done. That was some good sausage. Yesterday I found out one of the dogs, Duffy, goes nuts for jalapenos. Like, proper nuts. She will violently take them from your hand and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even chew them. I’m not sure if this is normal for dogs. I was going to post a video on here of her being aggressive for spice, but like I said, it could be a perfectly normal thing and I don’t want to end up looking like Huell Howser. If you don’t know who he is, he’s this guy:

Continue reading