Tag Archives: miles

Hip-Hop, Filth and A Bit More Filth


Morning/Afternoon/Go fuck yourself (delete whatever is most appropriate for you), how are you? I’m good, thanks. Not that you asked. Or maybe you did? I don’t know. I’m not there. I’m here. Listening to a playlist of Macklemore and Dr. Dre, trying to decide which is the better race. My conclusion? Both. Black dudes and white geezers are both allowed to carry on doing hip-hop I have decided. Not sure about the Asians, though. I don’t think I’ve heard any Asian hip-hop, though now I’ve mentioned it I think it’ll be pretty fucking banging. Gorrillaz have a “Chinese New Year” remix of Dirty Harry which is pretty much the same song, just with all Chinese instruments and it’s awesome. Check it out.

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Me, My Bone & Badgers in Space


I was going to write a blog about water getting stolen off of us by oil companies the other day, but that went to shit when I had to go to hospital. I was punched, or possibly fell, and now my shoulder hurts. Apparently I’ve “bruised the bone” according to the doctor, but I don’t believe him one bit. Call me racist but I just cannot trust a white doctor, let alone an English doctor. Is that racist? Probably not. I’d trust an English doctor of Asian decent (any kind of Asian), but not a straight-up English doctor. Unless they’re a hot English woman. Then they can have some of my trust. Hot women have never let me down.

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Heroin, Glee & I’m Going to Fuck Up Your Kitchen.


So one of the guys from ‘Glee’ is dead then, eh? Misadventure strikes again! That’s what it’s called, isn’t it? ‘Misadventure’. When you die from taking drugs and that. It’s a pretty awesome term. Very apt. I’d prefer the expression “funned himself to death” as in he had so much fun he died. Because he probably did. If you take heroin chances are you have a laugh when you’re on it and you can’t have a laugh without fun, therefore, he was funned to death. He funned himself. It has a nice ring to it.

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How my Mind Controls the Internet or; Hot Dogs! Giant Hot Dogs!


My laptop has been playing up a lot recently. Mainly because it’s about six years old, but also mainly because of all the bestiality porn. If you’re sat at the NSA headquarters or the GCHQ building get your dick out of your hand. I’m joking. But anyway, one of the things that has been wrong with it is that the wireless only connects to the internet when it, it being the whole sha-bang of the laptop and not just the wireless part, is plugged into the mains. and that kinda sucks because if I want to take my laptop downstairs to watch or listen to something whilst I cook I  have to take the pissing leads aswell. I can’t use it though even if I did take the leads because we have no internet in the kitchen because we’re on fucking Talk-Talk.  The only company in the world where if you tell one of their salesman how shit the company is they fucking agree with you. Even McDonalds workers at least try to defend their product.

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Samsung Tellys, Gin & Sperm or; Two Titles.


I keep forgetting my voice is on Samsung TV’s. That’s pretty cool, init? Well, it needs to be a pretty new TV and you have to put it on the ‘hard of vision’ option or some shit and then you have to select the option of ‘welsh accent’ so maybe only, like, five people might ever do that and hear me but that’s pretty cool. My voice might end up in more houses than Morrisseys voice has, even if mine is going unheard. Which would be odd because I’m not there to sing depressing poetry. I’m there trying to bring good news to the people of Earth. Good news like “BBC 2” or “high definition”. I pretty much said everything that comes up on a TV. Eleven pages (both sides) of things like “volume”, “record” or my personal favourite; “down”.

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Dr. Burdock & The Tough-Enough Tea Bags or; Stealing Gags off Girls


I was about to write about what I did gone and got up to on the weekend, but then, as I was rolling a fag, something caught my eye. Something far more interesting than Dr. Burdock, tough-enough tea bags or stealing a joke of a girl (I think that’s how I flirt now. I steal jokes of girls I think are hot and don’t attempt to make any physical contact. So far I have a success rate of zero, but I persevere). Yeah, I found a bottle of something in the kitchen. A bottle of this:

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Full-of-Shit Kids or; Giant Spider? Holy-Fuck!


One of the kids next door claims to have invented a ray-gun. I think he’s full of shit. There is no way a kid, who going by his voice (I have never seen him, just heard him over the wall from next door) is only about eight years old can begin to fathom the physics involved in making a ray-gun. They are near-enough impossible to make. The US military has only recently tested a laser gun they have, but this is the closest humanity can get to a raygun. Scientist tried to make real actual rayguns just prior to WW2 but ended up with radar. Fools. Fucking fools. what use is radar compared to a ray-gun?

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