Guess what I’m having right now? I’m having tea in a mug that says “Maryland Cookies” and I’m having it with a Kit-Kat because fuck the rules. That’s because why. That’s because why? Hmmm… I think I may be broken.
Jokes. I’m not broken. I’m better than ever because I can now play The Lovecats on they keyboard, which sounds just like a piano, and if that doesn’t get the ladies lining up I don’t know what will. I do know a roofie guy as a back-up plan though.
Have any of you tried to play the keyboard? I’m flabbergasted by how many keyboard players (Keyboardists? Keyboarders? Fingerslammers? I’m not sure what they call themselves) don’t want anyone else learning to play the keys (I call it that now. I’m allowed to. I got a letter saying). I assume they don’t, anyway. I looked through some tutorial videos and shit like that last week and all I could find were really over-complicated videos where after about an hours fucking around and being bored and all I learnt was Twinkle-Twinkle Little Star and London Bridge and it was a pile of shit. They made it too boring to want to bother learning. I don’t care about being able to read music. Reading music isn’t impressive. Playing it is. I decided there and then than it was not worth it and decided to give up, but then I had an idea. I just learnt where all the chords were, then found out the chords to songs I wanted to play and BOOM! I can play the keyboard. Melodies are a piece-of-piss to figure out once you know the chords as well. They missed all this info out in those shitty videos. It was far more entertaining, I didn’t want to hate the instrument and everyone involved with it and I can now play some Regina Spektor, David Bowie and Cure songs to a decent enough standard and it only took a week.. What more can a boy want?! Oh, and two Bright eyes songs.
This Kit-Kat is banging, by the way. It’s got peanut butter in it and everything. I’ve never had peanut butter before. It’s awesome. I can now see why the dogs are so eager to eat it, even when it’s on my balls.
Sexy, stupid dogs.