Tag Archives: drunk

Drunk Bums and U-bahns or; Why I’m the Role Model You Didn’t Know Your Children Needed.

So I did this thing the other day I’ve been putting off doing for a long, long time but it seems to be the norm for comics in Berlin so I’ve bitten the bullet and done it. I’ve made myself a Facebook ‘like’ page. I’m not going to lie to you, but it isn’t a good feeling. I have 1,549 ‘friends’ but it turns out only 126 of them actually like me. How sad it is to learn. I knew not all those 1,549 people were actually my friends, but I thought they at least kinda liked me. Maybe they just barely tolerate me. Facebook should let you make a ‘barely tolerate’ page. They’re missing a gap in the market there.

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What I’ve Noticed About American Crowds or; Can Everybody Please Calm the Fuck Down?

What’s wrong with American crowds? I just found the live It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia show “The Nightman Cometh” and got very, very excited, only to have to turn it off after ten minutes, because what’s the point? How can you enjoy a show, a show that is based heavily on spoken words, timing, the usual stuff comedy works on, when every single person in that room feels the need to scream like a clubbed baby seal everytime something happens?

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How my Mind Controls the Internet or; Hot Dogs! Giant Hot Dogs!

My laptop has been playing up a lot recently. Mainly because it’s about six years old, but also mainly because of all the bestiality porn. If you’re sat at the NSA headquarters or the GCHQ building get your dick out of your hand. I’m joking. But anyway, one of the things that has been wrong with it is that the wireless only connects to the internet when it, it being the whole sha-bang of the laptop and not just the wireless part, is plugged into the mains. and that kinda sucks because if I want to take my laptop downstairs to watch or listen to something whilst I cook I  have to take the pissing leads aswell. I can’t use it though even if I did take the leads because we have no internet in the kitchen because we’re on fucking Talk-Talk.  The only company in the world where if you tell one of their salesman how shit the company is they fucking agree with you. Even McDonalds workers at least try to defend their product.

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Breaking News From The Desk of (Spencer) Miles Lloyd

Buckingham Palace has announced: Next week is to come two days early.

The unexpected move has caused outrage amongst the public. Without the coming weekend millions of Britons who work long, hard hours throughout the week are set to lose two nights of getting shit-faced, not to mention a full Sunday to come-down, smoke weed, and watch Superbad on repeat from their beds.

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Bloody Vaginas, Brilliant Puns & Letting Myself Down.

First things first, I need to apologise for not blogging as much as I was. Not to you, but to myself. I’m sorry, Miles. I’ve let you (me) down. I have just been busy doing stuff and then too exhausted to bother trying to think of any witticisms.

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Sausage Rolls,Wet Shorts and MANBOY!

My shorts. My shorts are wet. Sopping wet. I just went to pull them out of my backpack and they are soaked with an unknown substance but everything else in my bag is bone-dry. I cannot make head-nor-tail of it. I also found a wrapper for a type of sausage roll I have never eaten in there. I don’t mean that I eat sausage rolls in my bag, but the wrapper was in my bag. You know what I mean.

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Tongues, Vowels & Neutral Milk Hotel.

First things first, why aren’t you still drunk and listening to Neutral Milk Hotel? You don’t know who they are? Then stop reading this, delete my Facebook and let me know so I can block you on Twitter. If you do know who they are then we should make out. Hard. Tongues and everything. Unless you’re a dude. Or weird looking. I think what I’m saying is if you’re a hot girl and listen to Neutral Milk Hotel I wanna make out with you. Actually, I don’t even care if you’ve heard of Neutral Milk Hotel. I just want to know what it feels like to make out with someone I find hot for a change.

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