Tag Archives: complaint

A Swift Introduction as to my Absense, or; Strangers in the Toilet, I Salute Thee

Hey! Remember me? It’s Miles. You know, the guy who use to write those awesome blogs you and your friends would read aloud and laugh together over. I’ve been busy as sin for the last two months so been pretty lazy with this. I just decided it was time to start on it again when I found a post I wrote a few weeks back but didn’t put online. This, for me, is a stroke of luck because I’m doing a forty-minute set at a festival in two weeks and really need to write it so now I can just put up the post I didn’t put up and get to writing my set and by “writing my set” I mean “looking at cats falling off high shelves”.

So, without further ado, I present to you a blog post I didn;t put up before, due to it’s mediocrity. Enjoy!

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Iain Duncan Smith & The Mystery of the Job Centre Paradox

She thinks I’m on the toilet. I’m not. I’m just sat out the back and it’s the washing machine draining. I heard a distinct change in tone of her voice. Although I have called them in the past while using the toilet. I don’t see the problem with calling someone if you’re having a pee. If you’re having a shit though it might be decent to wait until you know for certain all plops have passed. There’s nothing worse than hearing someone plop while you’re trying to talk about chicken, but then I think maybe you’d just imagine it as a big egg from a middle-aged chicken who’s just found out about holistic medicine having a water birth.

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I’m going to Frack My Garden, Your Garden, Everybody’s Garden! or; I’d Frack my Own Face if I Could

Something unusual happened in Bristol yesterday. well, not Bristol as such, but the Bristol Channel. There was a 4.1 magnitude earthquake. Also, in the last fifty days there has been 42 earthquakes in Nottingham but these have been very small, ranging between 0.8 and 2 but a 2 is not half of a 4. The way it works is a 2 is 2,000,000x stronger than a 1, a 3 is 3,000,000x stronger than a 2 and so on and so forth. Apparently, this mental amount of earthquakes has been put down to “mining” but I don’t think that’s quite the case. I think it’s been sugar-coated a bit.

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What I’ve Noticed About American Crowds or; Can Everybody Please Calm the Fuck Down?

What’s wrong with American crowds? I just found the live It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia show “The Nightman Cometh” and got very, very excited, only to have to turn it off after ten minutes, because what’s the point? How can you enjoy a show, a show that is based heavily on spoken words, timing, the usual stuff comedy works on, when every single person in that room feels the need to scream like a clubbed baby seal¬†everytime¬†something happens?

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Epic Cow Farts, Syphilis & Here Comes the Mental!

So scientists have come to the conclusion that humans are the main cause of global warming. I don’t know why this is news or why it took them so long. I feel like they should all have their degrees taken away for ignorance.

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Getting Nude, Fracking & Reasons You Should Care.

I’ve been locked-out of my WordPress for a little while, probably for being to edgy and insightful, so apologies to those of you who actually enjoy what I have to say.

What I have been doing instead is many things. I went to play a festival on the weekend called Nozstock. That was pretty good. I was naked on stage for a while but don’t remember it.

That poor boy sat on the stage was only 14.

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The Stupid Fucking Radio & All The Cunts On It.

God-damn I fucking hate the radio. I hate it with the coldest heart. It’s always on in work so I am forced to listen to Real Radio or National something? I think the other on is called National something. It doesn’t matter. It’s fucking bollocks.

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