Tag Archives: funny

250 Deaths-by-Dick & A Word of Advice to Hollywood.

Murder. Who’d have thought it could be such a thrill? Not real murder. Computer game murder. Real murder is far too messy. Unless you used a piano wire or a hospital pillow I suppose, but most murder is knives. Computer game murder isn’t messy at all though! (apart from I did spill my tea on my bed shooting some guy in the throat) And you don’t have the guilt and moral bankruptcy to deal with either. For example, today I murdered about four-hundred people, but they were all connected to an organ trafficking ring so they deserved to die. I also unlocked an achievement. That achievement was for killing over 250 people with gunshots to the groin. That’s a pretty good achievement in a game but if you shot 250 people in the dick in real life that would just make you a fucking douche.

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A Walk in the Park #1

A Walk in the Park # (number, not hashtag) 1

An Intimate Agreement With The Duke of York

One of my many “funny” songs. Just for you!

Heroin, Glee & I’m Going to Fuck Up Your Kitchen.

So one of the guys from ‘Glee’ is dead then, eh? Misadventure strikes again! That’s what it’s called, isn’t it? ‘Misadventure’. When you die from taking drugs and that. It’s a pretty awesome term. Very apt. I’d prefer the expression “funned himself to death” as in he had so much fun he died. Because he probably did. If you take heroin chances are you have a laugh when you’re on it and you can’t have a laugh without fun, therefore, he was funned to death. He funned himself. It has a nice ring to it.

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How my Mind Controls the Internet or; Hot Dogs! Giant Hot Dogs!

My laptop has been playing up a lot recently. Mainly because it’s about six years old, but also mainly because of all the bestiality porn. If you’re sat at the NSA headquarters or the GCHQ building get your dick out of your hand. I’m joking. But anyway, one of the things that has been wrong with it is that the wireless only connects to the internet when it, it being the whole sha-bang of the laptop and not just the wireless part, is plugged into the mains. and that kinda sucks because if I want to take my laptop downstairs to watch or listen to something whilst I cook I  have to take the pissing leads aswell. I can’t use it though even if I did take the leads because we have no internet in the kitchen because we’re on fucking Talk-Talk.  The only company in the world where if you tell one of their salesman how shit the company is they fucking agree with you. Even McDonalds workers at least try to defend their product.

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Full-of-Shit Kids or; Giant Spider? Holy-Fuck!

One of the kids next door claims to have invented a ray-gun. I think he’s full of shit. There is no way a kid, who going by his voice (I have never seen him, just heard him over the wall from next door) is only about eight years old can begin to fathom the physics involved in making a ray-gun. They are near-enough impossible to make. The US military has only recently tested a laser gun they have, but this is the closest humanity can get to a raygun. Scientist tried to make real actual rayguns just prior to WW2 but ended up with radar. Fools. Fucking fools. what use is radar compared to a ray-gun?

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Miles Lloyd Presents; Political Poetry From The Soul, For The Soul.

I found a poem I wrote on a train once about Tony Blair. I was watching a lot of Rik Mayall at the time.

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