Yesterday someone asked me not to be “super sexy funny online”. that’s not a bad request, although I had no idea my blog was super sexy. You can’t even see my face on here. well, you can, but I’m five and ginger. Maybe they think five year-old, ginger Miles is super sexy and twenty-seven year-old miles is the funny bit? that’s odd though. you can’t think ginger kids are sexy. Although, in my defence I have never been ginger. I was blonde when I was a kid but I just look like a ginger in that photo. Probably because of the lighting in the tent I’m chillaxing in. Continue reading
Tag Archives: peta
Cheese Sandwiches, Morrissey’s a Bastard & I’m a Sexy Boy.
A Lesson in Glowing or; Ice Cream Vans!
There are two things wrong with this day. First of all, there’s an ice-cream truck going round. I know the spring equinox was yesterday and all that, but it’s still pissing it down and freezing cold, not to mention windy as shit. Why would anyone possibly want to run outside to get an ice-cream? By the time you got it into your house the wind or rain would have seen it off. Poof! Ice-cream gone. Just like that. So obviously what’s happening is they’re selling drugs and I’ve just missed out on buying drugs. This is Pen-y-Fan, too, so you know they get the good stuff. Like dirty heroin and bad acid.
Well PETA, You’ve Only Gone And Done it Again.
*Just a note; PETAs reply to my point this time was just the word “meh”. That’s all they had to say. “Meh”. What. The. Fuck.
God! Fuck! Shit! I get sooo wound up! Look at all that ‘o’. I am quite proper with my spelling usually, but these BASTARDS have turned me into a shell of my former self. I follow them on twitter because I like how ignorant they are and also thought they might post cute videos of kittens in fields or something. Everyone likes videos of kittehs, don’t they? No. Not PETA, it turns out. PETA like murder and animal cruelty more than anyone else on the planet. They’re a bunch of fucking sycophants, is what they are. They’re also idiots. Check out what they’re doing today:
http://twitter.yfrog.com/obe2nclj
That went a bit tits up. I can’t add the photo. Just the link. By the way, I love animals as you know from my last PETA related rant (http://wp.me/p13Mou-7u). I do. Now…
The first thing I hate about “Meat is Murder” bullshit is meat isn’t murder. Meat is meat. Murder is murder. They’re too different things. “Meat is the By-Product of Murder” I don’t mind, but meat itself isn’t murder. Meat can murder. If I just bit into a raw pig and started chewing away, I would probably die. So meat can also be a murderer. Where’s your sign for that, Pete? Anyway…
That woman is outside the court where “The Cannibal Cop” is on trial. She is comparing eating bacon to his actions. I’ve been interested in this case for a while, so let me just sum it up for you;
I believe it was sometime last year when a New York police officer was arrested after he foiled attempt to kidnap a woman. Upon investigation it turns out he had gone into the police database and carried out surveillance on a hundred women he planned on kidnapping, raping, killing, cooking and then eating. Sounds pretty bad, right? But no! It gets worse! An ‘blueprint’ was then found on how he planned to cook the women. He was going to cook them on as low a heat as possible while they were still alive so it could be as tasty as possible! Om-nom-nom-nom-nom! That and he also wanted to keep them alive for as long as possible because, hey! If you’re going to go completely bat-shit crazy you may as well do it properly. And this fellow did. A true psycho among mentalists.
Now that’s all a pretty horrific thing he planned to do right there. So why have PETA pissed me off now? Because they’re are trying to say that what he planned on doing is no different to getting a cow in an abattoir and putting a bolt through it’s head to kill it in the most humane way possible so that we can enjoy it’s meat and so that it doesn’t have to have a horrible, slow death.
You ever eaten a steak? then you may as well go out, steal a human woman, rape the fuck out of her and cook her alive. You bastard meat eating sex offenders.
I hope someone from PETA is reading this. Just look at the two things you’re trying to compare. This is worse than when you tweeted, and still keep tweeting none-the-less, that cows are raped consistently for their entire lives so we can have cheese. Please try and argue your case in a grown-up fashion. Please?
It’s happy cow picture time again!
I’m off. I don’t have any sausages here so I’m going to go and fuck a child instead. Because it’s the same. Probably.
How to Suck the Fun Out of Tea-Making; A lesson in Life.
I got up at quarter-past seven this morning today. Quarter-past fucking seven. In the morning. “You must be mad!” You may say to yourselves. How do I know? Because that’s just what I thought. Until now…
You can get so much done! This morning I’ve already devised a plan to steal all of the oil off of America, using a V-reg Nissan Micra with over-inflated tires as a getaway vehicle AND invented gloves that are just the finger bits AND tweeted PETA about how they are allowed to date cats but I’m not allowed fuck dogs. All before ten! And I had a cup of tea. And had a peanut butter Kit-Kat Chunky. And a fag. What have you done? Nothing, probably. Fucking student bum.
It all just got very fancy! I’m at my mates office and some people have come in for an important meeting. They’re talking about phones at the moment in a dying quest for some ‘getting-to-know-you’ banter.
They just made me make them tea and coffee. It was a truly awful experience. They were whipping me with chains and laughing, “Hahaha!” They would laugh, “Hahaha! Make tea, monkey! Tea!” At one point they had me in the corner, weeping in the fetal position whilst they spat and continued their heckles. I was bleeding quite badly from a gash on the hip and it was one of the only times I’ve been grateful I’ve already had my front teeth knocked out. Then the kettle boiled and they threw the water at me. I screamed in agony and they started shouting “Where’s the tea?! Where’s the tea, monkey?!” I explained that I’d have to boil more water and it would be five minutes and they stole my shoes. I begged and begged for them to return my shoes as all my other pairs are back in Wales. They did give them back, but not before burning off the laces and soiling the innards.
They were very polite when I did finally them tea, though. But then I remembered I forgot the coffee…
SCENE.