Tag Archives: murder

The Fantastically Tragic Death of Franz Reichelt or; My Favourite Fool.


I don’t think it’s fair to have a TV show about people on death row then have the audacity to not show any executions. I have to Google someone getting killed now to satisfy my blood-lust and that means I’m probably going to be on some sort of government watch-list and that is not on. this is exactly why BBC3 needs to be axed.

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250 Deaths-by-Dick & A Word of Advice to Hollywood.


Murder. Who’d have thought it could be such a thrill? Not real murder. Computer game murder. Real murder is far too messy. Unless you used a piano wire or a hospital pillow I suppose, but most murder is knives. Computer game murder isn’t messy at all though! (apart from I did spill my tea on my bed shooting some guy in the throat) And you don’t have the guilt and moral bankruptcy to deal with either. For example, today I murdered about four-hundred people, but they were all connected to an organ trafficking ring so they deserved to die. I also unlocked an achievement. That achievement was for killing over 250 people with gunshots to the groin. That’s a pretty good achievement in a game but if you shot 250 people in the dick in real life that would just make you a fucking douche.

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False-Flag Nuclear Attacks & an Elephant That Sounds Like my Nan.


I feel really sorry for the US government. For at least ten years they’ve planned on invading Syria this month to fulfill their weird ambitions and now, thanks to God-damn peaceful means, they have to find any old excuse to start on Iran. (And in case any of you were wondering, Yes, that was a copy/paste of a Facebook status update I did two days ago.)

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I’v Been on the Internet All Morning and Not a Cat in Sight or: War! War, War, War! and Secrets!


Good news, everyone! Somebody won big brother and somebody took photographs of somebodies baby. Finally, we can relax. Jokes! We can’t relax. The media have always had this tendency to dress up mundane stories to look like something far more important than it actually is in a quest to avoid letting any actually important news slip through the net, and today I found out something that’s a bit fucked up.

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Hey, Racist! Read This! or; I Can play the Keyboard Now.


So some dude got killed in London today, eh? Not very shocking, I know. But the man was a soldier and he was killed… by terrorists! Duh-duh duh! This, I see, has apparently given everyone on Facebook and Twitter free-roam on the ignorant racism train and it’s not got no breaks! Now, I’m not one to force my opinions onto someone. Unless I had a dog or something. You kinda have to teach a dog how to live like not shit in the kitchen and that, but you know what I mean. I just want to make a point that I can’t understand so many people don’t realise.

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I Fucking HATE Babies or; Happy 100.


Five hours. That’s how long I had to sit in-between three fucking screaming babies on a bus yesterday. That shit is not on. There should be a rule where you can’t take babies on buses or trains or any form of public transport, but if you really had to take them it would cost something extortionate, like £200 a stupid baby. And there should be a time limit on when you can kick off. Like, say you wanted to take two babies onto the train. That would cost you and extra £400 on top of the ticket price, and once your babies have been pissing me off for twenty minutes I’m allowed to kick the shit out of them and then you (you being the mother in this scenario). I think that would discourage parents enough. I also think it’s a reasonably fair request.

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Cars and Explosions and Money and Shit.


It’s was a bitter cold December night and all the kids were parked up at Emerald Island like they usually were. Shooting the shit and racing their cars. They were really cool kids, too. Like, really cool. The kind you see hanging out by the lockers in Hollywood films that trip up the nerds that read books and shit. They didn’t give a fuck. Bets were being placed and money was passing hands. Marco, the coolest kid, had been winning shit all night long in drag races up Ridgeway Road and he had just made a ton of money. The chicks were all over him and everything.

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