Tag Archives: NSA

Surprise, Surprise, My Life is Shit Again or; Why I can’t Join ISIS.


Working in Berlin is a funny one, eh? It turns out the only reason employers give you a job is so they can fuck you over in the shittest possible way as soon as you think you’re comfortable. I don’t mind losing a job, as long as it’s for a decent reason. Well, to be fair I didn’t lose this job. I quit. But I quit because my hours were cut from full-time to 4 a week because the person I replaced decided they didn’t like their new job and wanted to come back. The fucking prick. So what do I do now? I’m poor and jobless again. Oh! And homeless, because I can’t afford to move into my new flat today anymore.

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How my Mind Controls the Internet or; Hot Dogs! Giant Hot Dogs!


My laptop has been playing up a lot recently. Mainly because it’s about six years old, but also mainly because of all the bestiality porn. If you’re sat at the NSA headquarters or the GCHQ building get your dick out of your hand. I’m joking. But anyway, one of the things that has been wrong with it is that the wireless only connects to the internet when it, it being the whole sha-bang of the laptop and not just the wireless part, is plugged into the mains. and that kinda sucks because if I want to take my laptop downstairs to watch or listen to something whilst I cook I  have to take the pissing leads aswell. I can’t use it though even if I did take the leads because we have no internet in the kitchen because we’re on fucking Talk-Talk.  The only company in the world where if you tell one of their salesman how shit the company is they fucking agree with you. Even McDonalds workers at least try to defend their product.

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Spying, Sharting & Stupid Blind Kids.


Oh, hello! I didn’t see you there. I was just reading to blind children. Jokes! I’d never read to blind children. Or would I? I think I would, but I’d only do it on my own terms. Like, they could only have a book read to them that I want to read. No shitty fucking kids books about pandas getting sticky fingers from too many jam sandwiches or some arse-fart like that. Something good, like Kill Your Friends or the “Room 101” bit from 1984. Properly freak those blind kids out. I’ll have them wishing they were deaf in no time at all. Then I’d never get asked to read to blind kids ever again. It’s like when someone asks you to do the dishes so you do a shitty job so they don’t bother asking you again. Foolproof.

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