Tag Archives: government

Cats, Canaries & Nothing in Particular

Today I saw a cat at Canary Wharf. It was the single most mind-boggling thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a grown, fat, bearded man fuck himself with a strap-on whilst crying because a cunt with a ‘k’ called him a cunt with a ‘c’.

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Epic Cow Farts, Syphilis & Here Comes the Mental!

So scientists have come to the conclusion that humans are the main cause of global warming. I don’t know why this is news or why it took them so long. I feel like they should all have their degrees taken away for ignorance.

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False-Flag Nuclear Attacks & an Elephant That Sounds Like my Nan.

I feel really sorry for the US government. For at least ten years they’ve planned on invading Syria this month to fulfill their weird ambitions and now, thanks to God-damn peaceful means, they have to find any old excuse to start on Iran. (And in case any of you were wondering, Yes, that was a copy/paste of a Facebook status update I did two days ago.)

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Me, My Bone & Badgers in Space

I was going to write a blog about water getting stolen off of us by oil companies the other day, but that went to shit when I had to go to hospital. I was punched, or possibly fell, and now my shoulder hurts. Apparently I’ve “bruised the bone” according to the doctor, but I don’t believe him one bit. Call me racist but I just cannot trust a white doctor, let alone an English doctor. Is that racist? Probably not. I’d trust an English doctor of Asian decent (any kind of Asian), but not a straight-up English doctor. Unless they’re a hot English woman. Then they can have some of my trust. Hot women have never let me down.

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Dear Next Door.

Whilst I think it’s all very good that you insist on popping out babies like they were in fact coming out of a box of Fruit Gums at the cinema, I don’t enjoy the fact that you let them spend ALL FUCKING DAY jumping on that fucking trampoline and shouting like a bunch of ADHD riddled speed-addicts almost right outside my bedroom window. The government is giving you all that child benefit money so you look after them, not so you can buy yourself a bigger T.V. and hope that they raise themselves. They won’t. But, maybe we will luck out and soon enough they will get taken away by the authorities and you will never see them again and I will never have to hear them again.

I must admit though, a few weeks ago I heard you trying your hand at ‘parenting’ by giving one of them a lecture on how they shouldn’t be teaching the other kids who you let come over to your house and jump on that fucking trampoline all day how to swear. This is a good start to a new life of bliss and relaxation for us all. A bit of constructive criticism though; Don’t start your lecture on how its wrong to teach the other children to swear with the sentence ‘What the fuck do you think your doing?’. What the fuck do you think YOUR doing? Of course they’re going to swear at each other when that’s all they hear all day long coming from your mouth. I might swear alot, but I’m not raising a family of about fifteen-hundred little cunts. If you yourselves insist on joining in on the shouting at least try and make it worth-while and not just another way to vent your rage from the fact that you can’t hit your wife, which, to be quite honest, I wish you would sometimes so that then your weekly ‘Sunday shout-off’ in your kitchen might end that little bit sooner and I can get on  with watching ‘Come Dine With Me’ in my conservatory in peace. Sort it out. Your making this shit hole of a town that little bit shittier for me.

Best wishes,