Tag Archives: google

Let Me Help You Help Yourself With Me, Miles Lloyd

A self-help book, by me, Miles Lloyd.

Words. What are words, anyway? They are just bits of letters really. Bits of letters all joined up to make a word. But some words aren’t words. Like nine. Nine is not a word. Nine is a number. Like 4 or 8. Or 48? No! 48 is not a number. 48 is not a word. 48 is a very naughty boy. 48 stole milk off of a woman and accidentally knocked a child of his bike whilst fleeing on foot. He should have fled by car. Not only is 48 naughty, but 48 is an idiot, too. Whenever you commit a crime, you must always get away in a car. It’s quicker and if you do happen to hit anyone, they were potential witnesses anyway, so you are better of for having killed them.

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Miles Lloyds Super Sexy Internet Accidents of 2014!

Oh, hello! I didn’t see you there, please, step into what most of you believe to be some weird sex dungeon. That’s right! It’s that time where I tell you all the weird sex things people have been searching my blog for thinking they’re searching Google. Oh, how I love your foolish, foolish mistakes. Some of you are right dirty perverts though, I must say. What I can’t work out though is why you’d be reading some of my posts and then you immediately go looking for absolutely disgusting porn. Continue reading

The God-Damn Job Centers Robot Army & Why I should Tidy my Room.

God-damn I HATE the fucking Job Center. I hate it so much! I only ever deal with them on the phone and it does my fucking nut in. Where did all this automated phone shit come from? Why the fuck do I have to talk to a robot that never understands anyone? Earlier on “she” asked me to tell her my postcode, then started giving me examples of postcodes. This is great because being patronised by machines is what I love. My favourite bit is how, after seven attempts to say “S A fifteen”, it finally gave up trying to understand me and said “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that. Thank you for your call. Good-bye!” No! No! This is mental. You spend fucking ages dealing with a machine and the only thing that machine does is put you through to a human who is blatantly in a room full of other humans in one of many call centers, so why not just put me straight through to a human? If I wanted to get enraged with machines I’d have taken loads of acid and put a Pixar film on.

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You People Are Mental.

Hello, world. How do you do? Me? I’m grand, thanks for asking. I found this awesome little feature this WordPress thing can do yesterday. It lets you know all the terms people have searched my blog for since forever. They range from just a funny combination of words to times I think people have accidentally searched my blog instead of Google. These people are filthy. I’ll start with the #1 searched for thing on my blog:

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