Belgium, The Correct Way to Peadophile & Why I Want to Die.


So I’m in Belgium. That’s pretty cool. I just spent two whole hours trying to find a converter plug thing so I can use my electrics here. It took way longer than it should have. If I was from China I’d have no problem at all finding a plug adapter it seems, but I’m not. I’m not Asian at all. I’m fucking British with shitty British electronics. Oh well. I did find one in the end. Now I’ve come to a pub to write a set for my gig tonight and I asked if there were any tables by plug sockets.

“Are there any tables by plug sockets?” I asked.

“Yes,” replied the barman, “but for some weird reason we only have UK inputs I’m afraid.”

“For fucks sake” I said. “For fucks sake” I repeated in italics. For emphasis. I literally can’t even run away from my luck.

It’s a pretty good place though apart from that. Last night I found out that Belgium is known for its beer, it chocolate and, this was a weird one to keep getting told, it’s peadophilia. Apparently it’s rife here but those three things make sense. I imagine if you wanted to be a successful peado you’d probably need a lot of chocolate and beers. It’s all part of the grooming process. This isn’t something I know for a fact, but it is information passed on to me by a man at a bar last night, though he insisted he isn’t a peadophile himself but I don’t believe him. He had a beard and body-odour.

I also look like a cunt right now. I don’t know if I can get into the house we’re crashing at but I’ve bought a midi keyboard with a load of pads on it for a song I have about the Nazi Party. It’s called Nazi Synthesiser and it’s very witty but I need to find out how to program this fucking thing and need to do it all right now. But anyway, what I’m saying is I’m sat on my own, in a bar, on a Macbook, with a midi keyboard plugged into it, with headphones on and my trainers are bright yellow and I’m wearing an ironic t-shirt. I look like the ultimate prick. I fucking hate people like me. Fucking hate them I do.

Oh! And I’m eating an artisan sandwich off of a wooden board.

I’m going to kill myself later.

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2 responses to “Belgium, The Correct Way to Peadophile & Why I Want to Die.

  1. I really cried some tears of laughing last night, thanks!

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