My Plans for Your Radio & Other Stuff You Should Learn to Deal With.


I just spend an hour and a half listening to what could very really have been the worst hour and a half of anyones life, ever. The whole experience was just horrid. Has anyone else ever heard of Radio 1 before? Jesus H. Christ. What’s going on? Every single song sounds like six other songs all played at the same time but with Rhianna on backing vocals. Someone needs to let them know that it’s alright to play songs released before this week, too. Also, nobody gives a shit about Dane Bowers. I know it’s a Sunday afternoon and that but I don’t understand why Dane Bowers was on it. They refuse to play any songs that came out earlier than fifteen minutes ago but then have guests who were forgotten about by 1998. I don’t know who does their booking but they fucked up bad today. I’m almost certain they got sacked.

Oh well. that’s all just a horrible part of my past now. I can now relax knowing that the only songs that are going to play into my head for the next two hours are either Fleetwood Mac or punk. I think that’s what all radio stations should play. Fleetwood Mac and punk. But maybe play a Jam track or something once a week to keep things fresh. And have a quick news summery on every second Tuesday of the month. Also, we should have a competition where whoever says the sketchiest thing to a copper without getting arrested wins a prize. A mars bar and some glow sticks or something. And all the presenters will be ridiculously good looking people with really horrible voice. Proper thick Geordie accents and stuff. And the only guests we’ll have on will be people who got sacked from places for gross misconduct, because I imagine those people to be pretty interesting. More interesting than Dane Bowers and his impeccable, washboard abs, anyway. The prick.

So yeah. that’s going to happen. I’m not sure how it works though. Do I, like, record the radio on my phone then send it to the radio people? Who are the radio people? Where are the radio people? I just Googled radio people and it looks like they’re in America. I’ll e-mail them about my own radio.

They don’t have an email address. This is a pickle. They have a phone number and a fucking fax number but no email. How do I speak with them? I know! I’ll go to one of the links to other places. Here we go. Monroes R&B and classic soul. Maybe they can pass my email to radio people.

that’s them emailed then. I said:

HELLO CAN YOU HELP ME? I WANT TO TALK TO THE RADIO PEOPLE WHO DO THE RADIO THINGS ABOUT A RADIO THING I WANT TO DO. IT WILL BE JUST LIKE NORMAL RADIO BUT JUST FLEETWOOD MAC AND PUNK AND THEN JAM ON A TUESDAY WITH THE NEWS AND WE WILL ONLY TALK TO PEOPLE WHO GOT SACKED FROM THEIR JOBS AND DANE BOWERS CAN FUCK OFF.

I think that should probably do it.

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