The Fantastically Tragic Death of Franz Reichelt or; My Favourite Fool.

I don’t think it’s fair to have a TV show about people on death row then have the audacity to not show any executions. I have to Google someone getting killed now to satisfy my blood-lust and that means I’m probably going to be on some sort of government watch-list and that is not on. this is exactly why BBC3 needs to be axed.

No, I don’t really have to go looking for videos of people being murdered by the brutal hand of the law to get my kicks. although sometimes I do end up watching horrific things simply out of morbid curiosity, but we’ve all done it at some point. The last thing I saw on this subject was a video of the ten deaths of something. I can’t remember what it was but they were all black and white footage. One of them was this fucking idiot who invented a parachute coat and it’s exactly as dodgy as it sounds. It’s a coat that turns into a parachute. “Well why have we not heard of this grand invention?” you may ask. I’ll tell you why. The guy who invented it, Franz Reichelt, was, as I said, a fucking idiot. He had given this amazing invention of his to some French aviation club to test and they not only rejected it for being “shit” (my words, not theirs) but insisted he stop working on it.

Here he is with his stupid coat. How he thought it would work is beyond my ability to understand.

Undeterred by this, he soldiered on and finally it was ‘ready’ to go! How did he test out this amazing design of his? He put it on and jumped off of the Eiffel Tower. Just climbed up, casually tossed it on like you would an afghan or a silk smoking gown and leapt. Needless to say he smashed into the floor at an astounding speed and went straight into both the back end of the internet and hell.

And this is the exact moment he learned a life-long lesson.

Actually, I might be being a bit harsh on the guy. He did give it a test run:

The type of test run a fucking idiot would give it, anyway.

Look at that! That’s about twenty foot! Even if it was going to work, I’m guessing that height isn’t quite enough to get it going. I’m pretty sure the highest quality of parachute made by today’s standards wouldn’t even work at that height.

In defence of his stupidity, I do get a barrel of laughs every time I go back to read his story. If only The Darwin Awards had their own equivalent to the Rock’n’Roll Hall of Fame.

So there we have. The story of Mr. Franz Reichelt, owner of no successful inventions, succeed by none, unmarried and his memory is only kept alive for all the wrong reasons.

That last bit actually reads exactly like I expect my own obituary to go. Bar the name, off course.


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