What I’ve Noticed About American Crowds or; Can Everybody Please Calm the Fuck Down?

What’s wrong with American crowds? I just found the live It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia show “The Nightman Cometh” and got very, very excited, only to have to turn it off after ten minutes, because what’s the point? How can you enjoy a show, a show that is based heavily on spoken words, timing, the usual stuff comedy works on, when every single person in that room feels the need to scream like a clubbed baby seal everytime something happens?

The most popular time for this is anytime there is the slightest reference to anyone maybe possibly having been maybe just a little bit naked at any point in time. “Ow!”, “Whoooooooo!”, “Yeeeeeeeeeeeeah!”, “SK-BANG!” all the fucking time. The whole point of this show is that the gang are putting on a musical. We all know what a musical is, right? Well the crowd they’re performing to must not have the slightest idea, because one of the characters mentioned they’d be signing a song to another character and what happened? Two minutes of “AAAAAAAAAAARGH!”, WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” and “FUCK YEAH!” from the crowd.

God-damn it’s annoying. I noticed it years ago watching some stand-up DVD. Them American crowds cannot just laugh and I cannot work out why they cannot just laugh. It’s like no matter what is going on in-front of them, no matter what the show they’ve gone to see is, they think they’re watching Ultimate Fighting in a whiskey bar.

I understand they’re excited. I’d be very excited if I was watching The Nightman Cometh live, but calm down. I saw CCTV footage of a school shooting once and  the reaction they got from the students was nothing compared to this one Jeff Dunham DVD I watched the week before. Jeff Dunham is awful, in case you didn’t know. Looking back, it kind of wanted to make me shoot up a public place. Maybe Jeff Dunham was the reason for that school shooting? I think someone should probably look into that.


He’s like Jim Davidson, but with dolls!

Though in all fairness, I’m probably not the best person to have in your crowd. I tend to laugh too hard sometimes. My friend Sue was doing one of her first shows once and the MC warned all the acts about some guy who was “having a bit too much fun” but in my defence there I was two-bottles-of-wine drunk. I quite often fall asleep at comedy shows, too. Only ever when I’m sitting at the front, though. And more often than not, I’m enjoying the show I’m at. If you see me at your show and I fall asleep, it’s not because I don’t think your funny, it’s just because I can’t seem to help it. Just ask Tony Law or Phil Kay or Paul Rickets or Jason Rouse or… I’ll actually stop naming them, just in case I name someone who’s show I fell asleep at because it was a genuine pile of shit and I don’t want them to think I like their act, so those first four can sleep well knowing that I like them.


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