Learning Welsh, Redcoat Bastards & One Hell of a Good-Looking God.


I’m learning welsh and it’s awesome. I literally know every single thing on the “lesson 1” bit of the website. I’m all over this shit. Welsh should be learning me. I did find out that when you’re talking about (or talking too? Ironically I can’t work out the English bits) God you can be informal. He’s such a cool dude, that God. He just doesn’t give a fuck. I wish I was as chilled out as God.

Jokes! He probably doesn’t exist and even if he did, I don’t think he’d be a he. I reckon he’d be a she. A really hot she with big boobs. Why has God always been imagined as a big old man? It was men that use to make all these decisions so why on earth is there fantasy creator a big old man and not a small hot woman? I think everyone use to be gay. That’s why early christians started all those rumours about the Romans. They weren’t trying to spread lies about them being peadophile bum-boys, they were fantasizing about them being peadophile bum-boys. those dirty, dirty early Christians. They should be put in jail.

Wait! It’s because Jesus kept calling him “father”. That’s probably why people think he’s a man. What am I on about? He doesn’t exist. Probably. He probably doesn’t exist. I hope he doesn’t anyway, otherwise I’ll have a fair bit of egg on my face when I knock it. Honestly though, I don’t think I’ll actually die. I have a funny feeling I’ll get to 32 and just stay that way forever and ever. I’ll only get sexier. Chicks will dig it like a Polaroid photo.

I’m starting to think this learning welsh thing might get difficult, considering I don’t have anyone to converse in Welsh with. also, I plan on leaving Wales as soon as asap. I should still probably learn it though, eh? I am welsh after all. Or am I? I am. I’m pretty confident. I was born in Carmarthen (Spell check is trying to tell me ‘Carmarthen’ is suppose to be spelt ‘Earthenware’. Silly bugger.) and my surname is, or was, Welsh. fun fact; Every Lloyd you meet use to be a Llwyd but the English made everyone change it to something they could pronounce. The redcoat bastards. I’m going to bring back the term redcoat but, and I cannot stress this enough, it must be followed by the word bastard. you can’t be a redcoat without being a bastard. It’s not natural. Like a monkey having sex with a chicken. It’s fucked up. It might sound sexy but it’s fucked up.

But sexy.

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