Six Ways The World Might End

I’ve come up with a comprehensive list of a few of the more realistic ways in which the world might end, so you can better prepare for the situation. The following might not be pretty to read, but it’s something we will probably all have to deal with, so, yeah.

1. Weed is legalised world-wide, and everybody just has a little lay down for a while, but that little lay down lasts too long and the entire economy collapses due to nobody having been to work in, like, three weeks. As a result, there is less reason to get up, so everybody just stays laying down for a little bit longer and humanity just sort of fizzles out. Like a sparkler.

2. Everyone gets AIDS. You know, that disease made by gay, black monkeys in an Obama funded lab in India. Or something like that anyway. I forget. Whatever. We all get it and we all die.

3. Hippies die out, leaving the rest of us with no-one to hate but each other. Tensions rise and we turn against our neighbouring towns, kidnap their children and pit them against each other in a “Battle Royale” type scenario, or, for those of you uncultured and unaware of brilliantly original films, a “Hunger Games” type scenario. This, of course, causes outrage amongst the childrens parents and they retaliate by lacing our drinking water with gasoline and LSD. They wait until we’re tripping balls then set our entire water supply on fire and we’re properly freaking the fuck out and eventually burn to death or murder each other in a blind, acid-fueled panic. This has a domino effect all over the world and eventually everyone dies.

4.Babies stop not being babies. There’s a nasty chemical spill near some French vineyard and it causes it to fruit tainted grapes. These tainted grapes go on to make tainted wine, a wine that women all over the world enjoy. Anyway, one of the biggest side effects of this tainted wine is that babies stop growing and aging at about three or four years old, but they will still live a life of about 70 years, just as babies and once the babies die, so does our race.

5. The worlds biggest game of hide and seek, but everyone is reallyreally good at it so we are just left with one man, who was “it”, wondering around shouting “I give up. Come out now?” but no-one can hear him because it’s such a big game and everyone is so far apart and we all starve to death. He doesn’t starve to death though as he doesn’t need to keep himself hidden. He continues on for a few weeks but eventually attempts suicide because of the bitter loneliness he feels. He goes to shoot himself but manages to fuck it up and just takes a chunk out of his face. this eventually gets gangrenous and he dies from a blood infection that has seeped into his brain after four or five days of utter, utter agony.

6. I get so awesome it literally blows everyones mind and the world is left a mess of bodies with exploded heads and myself. I die two weeks later because I cannot feed myself because I hurt both my wrists from masturbating.

I can imagine you might need a bit of cheering up after all this doomsday talk, so here, have a gif of a red panda properly freaking out.

Bah! Stupid fucking Red Panda DICK!


You’re welcome.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s