Hello there, Internets! How the devil are you? I’ve not done this “blogging” thing in quite a while, but don’t be mad for I have a very good reason…
You ever heard of a cartoon called Regular Show? I hadn’t either until about two weeks ago and now, whenever I come online with intentions of being productive, I fuck it all off and marathon that cartoon. It’s properly, properly banging good.
What have you been up to, anyway? Oh yeah? That’s very interesting. I’d love to hear more but I don’t even know who you are. That being said, you probably don’t even know who I am yet here you are, finding out what important things I have to say. I have nothing. Nothing important. I did do a gig the other day in a pub and I nearly got punched by some dude who really wasn’t enjoying my set. His beef was that he didn’t like the fact I was swearing. That’s right. I nearly got punched by a big, drunk Englishman because I was swearing during my comedy set in a pub. I’ve nearly been/have been punched for lots of weird and wonderful things in my time, but I think that swearing in a pub is probably the best reason.
I really want to rant about nothing some more but I’m very, very tired. I’ve been tired a hell of a lot recently. Tired and lazy. Maybe I’ve finally got the HIV? Can you catch HIV without having gotten any human contact? Now I think about it, my belt doesn’t quite fit me like it did. I’ve gotten a bit thin. Tired a lot and losing weight. Hmmm… I’m going to Google symptoms of HIV.
Well, according to aids.gov I have to have had someones blood, seamen, pre-seminal fluids, breast milk, vaginal fluids or rectal mucous in me to have gotten aids. I don’t even think I’ve been around most of those things ever, let alone gotten them inside me. Maybe it’s a new type of AIDS? That wouldn’t be so bad. At least it would get named after me. I realised the other day that I am the only person left in the family that can carry on the Lloyd name but I don’t think any woman would ever want to carry, birth and then raise a child that was half myself so maybe contracting a new form of AIDS is the best thing for us. Well, it doesn’t have to be aids. I’ll accept any disease, just as long as it doesn’t already exist.
Lloyds Disease. It has a nice ring to it, eh? It can’t be Miles Disease because of those two s’s so close together. It’s not fluent enough to say so it’ll have to be Lloyds disease. Plus the whole point is to keep the family name alive. Lloyds Disease. Hopefully it will be when you get really sexy right after your 27th birthday and then your dick gets massive and bitches go crazy and you win millions of pounds. Who knows? That could happen. that could be a disease. I’ll let you know on the 10th November.