Noises! Fucking weird noises everywhere! Weird noises that sound like something from a Stanley Kubrik film, but they’re not from a Stanley Kubrik film. They’re from the earth! Or space. Science doesn’t know. Science doesn’t know! What do we do when science runs out of answers? Fuuuuuuuuck!
I best explain what it is I’m banging on about. For the last three or so years people from all over the world, or only the northern hemisphere as far as I can tell, have been reporting really fucking weird noises coming from… Well just from around. Nobody is sure if they come from up or down, but they come. Here’s a video so you know what I’m on about:
Mental, eh? If you do a Googles you can find news reports from across the world on this and countless other examples but I’m not going to bore you with that. I just wanted you to know that it’s going down. Some people think it’s these ‘seven trumpets’ from the bible or some shit. Some angels or demons riding in the end times, playing trumpets. This is obviously bullshit for three reasons. If it was the sound of someone playing trumpets they could at least hold a note, keep a rhythm or take requests and they seem to be doing none of those. If it was “the creator” he’d at least know a few funk songs. a bit of Wild Cherry wouldn’t go amiss at the end times I don’t think.
I hope it isn’t the end of the world. I mean, it almost certainly isn’t, but if it was I’d be fudged. If the end of the world was coming I’d only have so long to publish a book, sell the rights for it to be made into a film, make millions and get myself a banging hot wife and let’s be honest, I’m nowhere near doing any of those things anytime soon.
That being said, if you’re a publisher you can find the first 8 chapters to my book on this blog by searching for Derek; A Crime Fighting Unicorn, if you’re from Hollywood then please get in touch with the publisher and if you want to apply for the position of banging hot wife you can e-mail your C.V to email@example.com
I look forward to hearing from you.