“What going on?” I hear you ask? All of it. It’s all going on. You name it, it’s either going or gone on. That’s what’s going on. I’m sat out the garden… on the internet! I had no idea it worked out here. It’s a game-changer, ladies and gentleman. A god-damn game-changer! I just wish I’d found out before the end of august. It’s the kind of thing I’d have liked to know at the start of the summer, when being in the garden was at its peak.
It’s not even really a garden. Sorry to be misleading you like this. It is a garden in the sense that it’s out the back, but there isn’t a single piece of grass! A garden with no grass! Have you ever heard of anything as lewd as that? It’s a nice garden with no grass though. Lots of concrete and slabs. I’m not really selling it that well but it’s lovely. just take my word for it. There is a fucking ton of bastard spiders though.
Good news, though; You cannot drown in quicksand. You can get stuck in it, but you wont drown. You just get stuck until time kills you.
That’s what I learnt today. I also ate so much cheese I began to sweat and found this gem:
I’ve probably spend about forty minutes looking at this and I’ve laughed every single fucking time.
How I love the internet. I wish we could all marry it.