How my Mind Controls the Internet or; Hot Dogs! Giant Hot Dogs!


My laptop has been playing up a lot recently. Mainly because it’s about six years old, but also mainly because of all the bestiality porn. If you’re sat at the NSA headquarters or the GCHQ building get your dick out of your hand. I’m joking. But anyway, one of the things that has been wrong with it is that the wireless only connects to the internet when it, it being the whole sha-bang of the laptop and not just the wireless part, is plugged into the mains. and that kinda sucks because if I want to take my laptop downstairs to watch or listen to something whilst I cook I  have to take the pissing leads aswell. I can’t use it though even if I did take the leads because we have no internet in the kitchen because we’re on fucking Talk-Talk.  The only company in the world where if you tell one of their salesman how shit the company is they fucking agree with you. Even McDonalds workers at least try to defend their product.

I’m going to start a new paragraph because that last one has been going on too long, even though in my heart of hearts I feel it should be going on longer.

But anyway, Talking of McDonalds I heard of some people who went there today that they have projectors or some shit shining games down onto the tables? Like in Futurama. That sounds awesome. It kinda makes me want to go into a McDonalds but to be honest I don’t even trust their bottled water or their toilets for shitting. Unless I’m hammered drunk in Swansea and the Home of The Giant Hot-Dog is closed. Then I might venture into a McDonalds and buy something.

What was I saying? I came here with something to say and it didn’t include the massive hot-dog place. what was it?

Ah yes! Yeah, my internet only works when my computers plugged in and the other day I was on the internet then realised my internet doesn’t work, therefore the internet is controlled by my mind and my mind only.

Back to the hot-dogs.

They’re fucking amazing. And huge, they are! blooming huge! The chilli dog is good but to be honest unless you’re getting the chilli dog with cheese you’re a fucking dick and you should be in McDonalds. Working. With no future and no parents. Well, maybe have parents. I went a bit too far then. I just got excited. I love the place. I use to get free hot-dogs there for a while because they owner saw me do comedy a few times and loved me, but then I moved away and, like everyone else, he forgot about me.

I was going to post a photo of the giant hot-dog place (it’s called The Dog House, by the way) but I can’t find one, so have a picture of a dog house with the address of the hot-dog place.

61 Wind St City Centre, Swansea SA1 1EG
01792 477650

They don’t deliver, though. The number is enquiries only.

Unless the enquiry is “Do you deliver?”. They don’t.

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