I feel a bit like a broken record banging on about it, but the amount of weird shit you see flying around our night sky is fucking weird. Really weird. Weally reird. I’ve seen four things tonight alone, knock about between stars, not giving a fuck about physics, just doing weird-odd stuff. And I’ve come to a conclusion after all these years.
I’ve been pondering life outside of our planet ever since I saw a big fuck-off black triangle flying around the sky when I was eight years old. “What could they be?” I would ask myself. Well, as I’ve grown older and wiser and learnt new things I have started to put two and two together… and I’ve gotten eight! I was reading an article earlier about how some scientists programmed a computer to do what it wants with the internet. They told it to search for whatever. And it ended up searching one particular thing. It’s probably the thing you’ve Googled most (apart from chick-on-chick porn). The Egyptians saw them as gods. They’re the king of the jungle. The cock of the walk. Then one day two weeks ago I caught this photograph of one of the things in question:
That’s right! What you call a “harmless pussycat” is simply on earth keeping a watchful eye. His, or her, overlords are cruising the skies above, just waiting for the right time to pounce and then… they are going to eat your babies. It’s so obvious I feel like a dick for not noticing it before. Look at it’s eyes! That’s laser eyes from space if ever I’ve seen it. and it makes sense when you consider all these crazy cat ladies. they’re not crazy, they’re under some sort of mind-control.
So, all you conspiracy theorists out there trying to blame aliens for all the aerial phenomenon we see, don;t be fucking idiots. It’s obviously cats. It always has been and always will be. So my a’vice to you is this;
If you own a dog, kill it. It’s the only way you can prove your worth to these demon-beasts from above. Kill you dog before the cats kill your children and trust me, they’ll kill them. I saw it twice before in a dream so you know it’s legit.