I was about to write about what I did gone and got up to on the weekend, but then, as I was rolling a fag, something caught my eye. Something far more interesting than Dr. Burdock, tough-enough tea bags or stealing a joke of a girl (I think that’s how I flirt now. I steal jokes of girls I think are hot and don’t attempt to make any physical contact. So far I have a success rate of zero, but I persevere). Yeah, I found a bottle of something in the kitchen. A bottle of this:
Incredibly Black. That’s fancy talk for “black as fuck” and as you can probably guess, yes. It is for tanning. Apparently it can turn you from this:
No problem at all, no questions asked. Now let’s see what this already very borderline racist product has to say for itself, shall we?
It begins with “Darkness is not just turning down the light” and this is already a head-scratcher. They are obviously referring to skin tone, but are they assuming everyone thinks that black people are black because they emit less light than white people? I didn’t know we emitted light at all, so this was a surprise to me.
Next they say “Find complete synergy with this ambitious bronzing dark tanning formula…” apart from know knowing what a comma is, I think someone heard a word on the news one night and started using it willy-nilly before finding out what it means. The word synergy is defined as:
1. The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects.
2. Cooperative interaction among groups, especially among the acquired subsidiaries or merged parts of a corporation, that creates an enhanced combined effect.
So I don’t know. I’ve been trying to work it out. Do they mean that you have to be black and white to be the best person you can be? Are they trying to say the best black people are white? Are they trying to say the best white people are black? I don’t know. I just don’t know. The most unbelievable part is that Incredibly Black Ultra Powerful 10x Double Dark Bronzing Lotion isn’t even the blackest they go! It’s labeled as “Level 2: Intermediate to advanced”.
This means you have the option of actually going blacker than Lil Wayne.
So yeah. I don’t know what to make of this. All I know for sure is they should have used the word “dark” instead of “black”.