Bloody Vaginas, Brilliant Puns & Letting Myself Down.


First things first, I need to apologise for not blogging as much as I was. Not to you, but to myself. I’m sorry, Miles. I’ve let you (me) down. I have just been busy doing stuff and then too exhausted to bother trying to think of any witticisms.

I did a gig last Friday with Bob Slayer. He is one of my favourite people and comedians and his shows are always a hoot! Don’t Google him, though. I don’t want it getting to his head.

We went out for a romantic meal before the show and he gave me what is quite possibly my favourite injury to date. You know you need to take a good, long look at yourself in the mirror when you’ve been injured so many times you have a favourite. Anyway! Here’s a photo. see if you can guess why it’s my favourite.

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That’s right! It’s because it looks like a vagina, but not only does it look like a vagina, but it looks like a vagina… doing a period! Gold. Pure comedy gold. Bob stabbed my with a steak knife, but it was an accident. He thought it was a butter knife so he cannot be held accountable. It’s the bars fault for giving him a steak knife to eat gammon. The fools!

But as we’re on the topic of favourite injuries, let’s take a look at where my least favourite injury happened. But first, for those of you not aware, I fell down a flight of stairs once in the club me and Bob did Fridays show in. Here’s what I looked like a few days after my tumble:

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Fucked up! that’s what I did to myself. I fucked myself up. On this staircase:

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I tripped up on that very spot I’m standing on and didn’t touch the stairs once on my way down. I soared like an eagle until my face hit the ground down there. I must have looked glorious, like another eagle. Falling. then losing a lot of blood. then pulling it’s own tooth out because it was drunk and on morphine and had lost a lot of blood and wasn’t making the best life-choices at the time. Oh well. Ob la di, ob la da.

So yeah. 377 words just so I can use this pun:

I took a trip down memory lane.

Get it?

Trip! Because I fell!

You’re welcome.

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