I Owe Some of You an Apology.


But you’re not having it.

It seems some of you got offended by my views on all babies being loud, annoying and ugly as fuck and felt the need to message me directly on various social media networks (twitter, facebook, one gmail) to tell me you disapprove. Well to you I offer this;

Why don’t you apologise to me?

That’s right. Not only am I not apologising for my opinions, but I am actually expecting you apologise to me instead.

First of all, they are my opinions. Nobody ever needs to say sorry for what they think. Granted, some people think horrible things like black people aren’t very likely to not rob you, or women don’t deserve equal rights, or the slightly browner than white people are going to bomb all us westerners, but these people are stupid, ill-educated and ignorant pigs and they will never live a life of true happiness so just forget about their opinions. My opinion, on the other hand, was simply that all babies look alike, are ugly and cry a lot. I’m pretty sure that this isn’t even an opinion. It’s probably almost definitely scientific fact. Perhaps.

I’m actually pretty confident that the people (they were all women, by the way) who complained would have agreed with everything I had said if my blog just read “All babies are ugly and annoying. Except yours. Yours rocks.”

If this is true then you, ladies, suck hard. Not only do you suck hard but at some point that child of yours, that you cherish and love so much, was fucking ugly as sin and actually made your friends not want to hang out with you sometimes.

My best friend Kris, a Jew, has his second baby on the way soon, June 9th I think it’s due, so for a while after this period I am going to have to be a massive hypocrite and tell him and Rox that their baby is “cute” and stuff like that. I’m hoping that this is my disclaimer to them and I can just completely disregard it until it turns three or four. You know, that age when kids actually start becoming cool because they’re full of mischief and don’t know how the hell they’re suppose to string sentences together. That’s when kids start to get cute and stuff. When the start to make me laugh and not when they’re being sick on themselves like a god-damn animal.

Have some self-respect, babies. This isn’t a vagina. This is the real world, where The Beatles and Rob Smith live, so have some respect.

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