Hello, world. How do you do? Me? I’m grand, thanks for asking. I found this awesome little feature this WordPress thing can do yesterday. It lets you know all the terms people have searched my blog for since forever. They range from just a funny combination of words to times I think people have accidentally searched my blog instead of Google. These people are filthy. I’ll start with the #1 searched for thing on my blog:
“dog smoking fag”
Close. It was actually a crab smoking a fag. 142 of you thought it was a dog. Or just one of you was adamant it was a dog. The next one isn’t so exciting. It’s just my name, but the third one?
Six times people have searched my blog for one that mentions the word ‘cunt’ and I bet you every single one was pleasantly surprised. The next two aren’t so great either, when suddenly something arouses my curiosity. A name. a name I have never heard before but fell in love with in an instant. this is the first example of when someone accidentally searched my blog, thinking it was Google, for something to wank over:
I shit you not that is a real name. I had to Google it for you. She’s a model and she’s pretty hot. I’m trying to find out if that’s her actual birth-name because if it is I want to send her, and her parents, a prize. One second…
It is! Brilliant. But she just recently did a photoshoot for fucking PETA so she gets nothing. the next few aint so good. there’s one that just says “scared rage” and that keeps tickling me, but it’s when we get into the world of one-time searched things start to get rather peculiar indeed…
“im fucked indecent images”
Now, I don’t know who you are, but I can safely say this this is not the sort of thing you should be doing, be it you’re fucked or not. Most aren’t as weird as this though. For example:
- “monkey poop at you” – This is just down-right hilarious
- “Julia roberts’ life is a prostitute!” – Fair enough
- “why doesn’t facebook have people’s friends names in alphabetical order” – I don’t know. Google it.
- “why is facebook friends no longer in alphabetical order” – See above
- “balls in someones mouth” – The weird thing about this is the wasn’t even for Google. It’s a photo of my balls giving a guy a teabagging.
- “was julia roberts a prostitute?” – Yes, according to a previous statement.
- “dog fucked in dream” – I don’t know what this means, but I’d assume you have some issues to resolve with yourself
- “shat with my friends in Facebook” – Please don’t.
- “jack white crying”- Yes.
- “im in bed all alone” – This one creeps me out for some reason.
- “incest kid” So does this one.
- “lesbian height difference” – This one is baffling. I thought they came in all different sizes.
- “wonderful fuck game” – I don’t know what this is, but it sounds awesome. Let me know if you ever found out.
- “group of fuckers bonds girls” – Those damn bond girls, eh? Always pissing someone off.
- “sulk hard clit” – I’m pretty sure that’s not how it’s done.
- “a girl cry for help when fucked” – This is another one that gives me the creeps.
- “thachter gets hippies” – I doubt that, for some reason.
- “deep fuck” – Not here, I’m afraid.
- “sulking lips” – See above
- “lesbiansdogs.com” – See a doctor
- “wonderful exgirlfriends” – Who was this and why do they want to know?
So there we have it. A small collection of what you people want to see on the internet and it’s all weird, even if some of that weird stuff is content on my blog.