I read an awesome newspaper yesterday. Maybe you’ve heard of it? It’s called The Daily Star and it really is hard-hitting journalism. There was a two-page spread about how Prince Harry, third in-bred, tearaway-Nazi in line for the throne, has a hot girlfriend, but he’s going to a party next month with hotter girls and he might cheat on her! Boom! News. What’s next? David Beckham fell over. Holy shit! Slow down, journalism! This is all too much to take in. What else do they think to be the most important things going on in the world right now that we, as a people, need to be told about? Kim Kardashian posted photos of herself getting acupuncture? Not even side boob. Just a bit of acupuncture. Wow. Thanks for that.
Did you know that last week a vial containing an incredibly harmful virus went missing from a locked, guarded freezer from The University of Texas? Or that it has recently come out as a fact that M16 knew damn well there were no WMD’s in Iraq months before they invaded anyway? Or a baby born with HIV has been completely cured of the disease?
Those are just some of the things I learnt last week that I didn’t find in any of these ‘news’-papers. I learnt every fucking sub-plot to every fucking soap opera and I know what ‘celebrity’ I don’t give a fuck about might be cheating on someone else I don”t give a fuck about, but I was not once told that Monsanto are pretty much above-the-law when it comes to feeding people poison and single-handedly killing all the bees, which means they are single-handedly killing off the human race. Google it. It’s fucked. But that isn’t what people need to be told about. Weird, eh? If you had asked me what was the most important piece of news between 1/3 off all the worlds bees dying in the span of a few years or Justin Beiber having a hissy-fit I would have gone with the bees.
Lucky I’m not a journalist for a tabloid though, eh? And f you’re reading this and you work for a tabloid, why not try this out; Go fuck yourself. You’re scum and you don’t deserve anyone’s respect until you start respecting your profession and the people who read you’re piece of shit articles. Try and inform the people before dumbing them down.