Today I Learnt…

Today I learnt that there is a town “oop t’ North” called Ungglebarnby. Isn’t that the funniest name in the world? Ungglebarnby. If you didn’t giggle when you read that word I’ll give you a quid. That’s how confident I am. You might need to know I don’t have any quids to give you, so as you can imagine my confidence is pretty darn high.

I really wanted to go there as soon as I found out it was a town, but when asked to tell us everything about the place we were told, “It’s not a place. It’s a sate of mind”, which really disappointed me because that means there wont be any parks there and I have an imaginary dog to walk. Sometimes I walk real dogs, but I didn’t plan on taking them to Ungglebarnby. Both halves of that word are brilliant even on their own. I love it.

Last summer I learnt something, too. I learnt that a ridiculous number of hot girls will approach you when you have a cute dog, but they will only talk to the dog. It’s rude, is what it is.

Let’s have a look at Ungglebarnby on Wiki, isit?

Holy shit. Ungglebarnby isn’t even its full name.

Eskdaleside cum Ugglebarnby. That is incredible. People bang on about Wales having weird place names, but we have just have a lot of L’s knocking about. they’ve got a K next to a D! They’ve taken three words that don’t fit together all squished up as one word, and then followed it with two more completely ridiculous words. What else…

According to the 2011 UK census, Eskdaleside cum Ugglebarnby had a population of 2,238, a reduction on the 2001 census figure of 2,252. So people are leaving. Or dying. Either way it isn’t a very good sign so let’s just move swiftly on, shall we?

Next on the Wikipedia page… Murder!

In 1841 the murder of Mrs Jane Robinson (Her dad was well important, too, by the sounds of things. His surname was Ungglebarnby) was one of the first cases in which an officer from Scotland Yard came to investigate a serious crime in the county. A miller, William Hill had been charged with the murder and let off. Something to do with DNA, but Nick Pearce traced a Thomas Redhead who had probably definitely did it, but had died of smallpox just before the Fuzz tracked him down. The crafty bastard.

So that answers the first question then. People aren’t leaving, They all just die from murder. I think we should just move on again.

Someone got arrested. That’s it. It says:

Eskdaleside was host to other events in its history, one being the arrest and later execution in York of an 82 year old man. His only crime was that of being a Catholic priest.

So? I once got arrested for swearing at someone. That’s not half as bad as being a priest. But never the less. There’s hardly anyone in Eskdaleside cum Ugglebarnby because they all die from murder and the police are fascist.

And the creme de la creme? These are the first photos that come up on a Google search:


and this.

I’ll leave you with that I think.


One response to “Today I Learnt…

  1. I’m only a few miles from ugglebarnby now! I’m at Gemma’s mams. Aparantly eskdaleside and ugglebarnby are two separate places but they’re both so small they’re put together in the name… So the population will be that of both places put together. Also the whole thing is the name of the parish which actually IS the area.

    I’m told its mainly a few stone shack looking buildings. I’m not going.

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