Parties and Poop, But Not a Poop Party.


“No way! A stick! I’m gonna fuck it up!”

“Oh my god! Another stick! Yes! Chew it! Chew it! I’m gonna poop.”

“Why do I shake when I poop? I don’t care! I’m poo… Is that another stick?! Christ-on-a-bike, it is! I’m gonna chew it so hard I’ll poop again!”

“Is that someone elses’ poop? No way, it is! That’s awesome. I’m gonna roll in it! Then I’m gonna go back to that stick and really go to town on it. Fucking stupid stick!”

Sometimes I wish I was a dog. That is literally all that goes through their minds. Well to be fair they also think “I’m gonna eat that thing! What is it? Fuck it, I’ll eat it anyway!”

I have to deal with thought’s like “I think ‘sperm’ is my new favourite verb” and then I get depressed because it just reminds me that I’m probably mentally retarded, I just haven’t had the tests yet. I say yet, but I’m never going to have them. Maybe one day I will. who knows? But I’m probably not retarded to be honest. Just weird. I was talking to this girl and her boyfriend at a party once and I was just talking normal, saying whatever comes into my head and that, you know how to talk so I won’t patronise you any more by explaining how to converse, but she started to freak out and she actually had to get her boyfriend to take her home because I was “too much” and she “couldn’t cope”. Home! Not even leave the conversation and go into another room of the party or something. No. She actually had to be taken home. I wasn’t being graphic about anything or rude. Just Giving my thoughts and opinions on the world but she just couldn’t deal with it. It was odd.

Silly dog! You’re down-side up!

But yeah, what I’m saying is… Well I was going to say dogs don’t have that problem but that’s just because they can’t verbalise their thoughts. I think if dogs could talk a hell of a lot more people would have to go home to lay down. It would be awesome though. I’d have so much fun listening to them.

Or even just if they could tweet would be good enough for me.

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