I did say that I was going to do one of these a day, every day, for the rest of our lives but unfortunately I didn’t do one for three days over the weekend because, well I was drunk and I had better things to do, so I am going to do two a day today, tomorrow and Wednesday to compensate. Why? Because I’m too good to you people, that’s why.
And guess what! Go-on. Guess. This is my sixty-ninth blog! Sixty-ninth! Like the sex thing with the double oral! Brilliant. Once again reality has given us something that you just couldn’t make up. I kinda feel like I should write a sexy blog as a one off but I’m not a very sexy person. Every time I’ve attempted sexy I just make myself giggle and go all red. Like a child. I’m honestly giggling now about the fact that this is my sixty-ninth blog. I’ve been giggling for 156-ish words. 160 now! They just keep going up and up these words. It’s crazy. I left uni because I didn’t like the idea of having to write loads of words for things. Now look at me! Living in my Mams house, sick, cold and poor. You too can be just like me if you drop out of university, too! It really is that easy.
You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to ask you guys for a favour. One that will either work our for me or literally (not literally) kick me in the balls. If you like reading my blog can you start sharing it or retweeting it or some shit so other people can read it to? you can also ‘like’ it on here. Hell, even if you don’t like it you can at least pretend. Because I’m ill and I like to think you have a heart. Not you. You. The one with the pie. Gimmie that pie, Chunk. You have had enough and I have had none. But I don’t want it now. Because I’m sick. Save it for me. I shall finish it Wednesday. Or maybe have it for lunch tomorrow. Who knows? It’s my pie now and I will do what I want with it. I might even put it in the bin because I hate you. But do I hate you? You will never know. All you will know for sure is I want your pie. And it better be steak and it better not have any fucking mushrooms in it. Dick.
But yeah, maybe you genuinely don’t like my blog and the only reason I get views is from people showing their friends “this dick who thinks he’s funny” or maybe it’s because you like my cover photo, you peados. I knew it! Sort it out or I’m telling your mammy.
You fat, peado bastard.