The Curious Case of Vivian Witt.


Hello, Vivian! How do you do? There’s nothing curious about you as far as I hear. I just heard you’ve been reading my blogs in hospital and thought I’d say hello. I remember being in hospital for a week once when I was, like, five or summin because I couldn’t swallow anything and it sucked. Although I did have a Sega Mastersystem so I can’t complain too much. But you have the internet, so you win.

I had to go to the hospital again on New Years Eve (Not that that is the only other time I’ve ever been to hospital. I’ve been loads. Broken bones, animal attacks, sport injuries if you can believe I’ve done sports, torn muscles, massive falls, little falls, just for visits, to use a payphone once. Lots of reasons. You name it, I’ve been to hospital either for it or to enquire about it.) because I fucked my thumb up but I had fallen asleep (passed out drunk) waiting so missed my name. Ended up just trying to find my way home 20 miles when there were no trains or taxis. It sucked bigger balls than any of us have ever sucked. Which is a lie. Far worse things have happened to me…

Ha! You were expecting me to tell you about the time something worse happened to me, but I am not going to. Because this amuses me more, and, despite popular belief I don’t write these for you. I write these myself. It just so happens that all you weirdos and freaks have the same sense of humour or beliefs about me. Take a second to think about that then spend tomorrow re-thinking you entire lives. That’s what I have to do every fucking day.

Funny picture time to cheer you up!

It’s a tree… but it looks like it has a vagina! Silly tree. That’s not how you tree. Well I think that’s what a vagina looks like, anyway. I’ve only really seen ’em with my glasses off, so for all I know I could have been rimming dudes this entire time.

Rimming, by the way, Vivian is when you lick a bumhole. I’m not too sure if you had that act or that word in your day. It’s pretty filthy and you come from a more dignified time.

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