I’m back in Llanelli (spell-check just suggested I meant to spell ‘flannelling’ instead of Llanelli). Sunny ol’ Wales. Hello, Wales! It’s not bad. I haven’t been back for almost a year and it’s crazy how much has changed. Where there use to be a bus-stop we now have a cinema and a Costa Coffee. A fucking cinema and a god-damn Costa Coffee! This place is really moving up in the world. All the Polish people seem to have disappeared though. I find this a little bit worrying as it is a town of violence and massive racism so I am kind of worries there’s been some sort of badger cull done on the Poles. I hope not. According to research the badger cull is in no way cost effective so God only know what a waste of tax-payers money it is cull the Polish, too. and I like the Polish. They gave this place a little bit of culture it so desperately needs. But I’m rambling. This isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about. What I want to talk to you about is far, far more mysterious than anything I have ever encountered in my life.
Cheese. A lot of cheese. Check this out:
Why is there such a great amount of such similar cheeses? there’s about two-and-a-half thousand grams of cheddar, one-and-a-half thousand grams of soft cheese, some Dairylee Dunkers and forty slices of processed cheese that you can’t see in this photo. To put this into perspective for you, if it was grams of weed it would be about thirty-five-thousand pounds. Or eighty-eight grand if it was 22 ct Gold.
I just cannot make head-nor-tail of it. Its all the same cheese! I can understand that much cheese if there was, say, a bit of brie or edam in the mix, but it’s ALL THE SAME! Just varying degrees of cheddar. From ‘mild’ to ‘not mild’. At least finish one block of the stuff off before you start getting more. There isn’t a war on. Cheese is still available in most (all) shops.
After I discovered this I had to have a cup of tea and a fag (cigarette) to calm down and when I went to put the milk back I saw this:
It’s crazyness! I know my sister likes cheese, but this is just an awful amount, wouldn’t you say? There isn’t a way on Earth all this cheese can get eaten.
Anyway, I pondered over this for a while with my cup of tea and my fag (cigarette) and realized I had left the Emmental out so I go to put it back in the fridge and find this staring me in the face:
This is now officially out-of-control. There is just too much cheese in this fridge. Why so much? Why keep buying all this cheese-based stuff? Do my family have something planned? Do they know something we don’t? Why haven’t they explained themselves? Why didn’t they warn me about all this cheese? I felt like I didn’t know these people anymore. I needed a drink. I went to get some ice and BAM!
Four more fucking cheeses. I need to lay down.