A Brief History of the Written Word.


Bleurgh! That’s how I say “Good morn’!” now. I like it. How are you? Well? Good. I am too. This is the first time I’ve felt like an actual human boy since… July 27th. I’ve either been drunk or very hungover pretty much everyday since then. There was a break between the Edinburgh Fringe and Bestival where I was neither drunk nor hungover, but I was very, very ill. Not doing shits ill, throat and lungs ill. That doesn’t sound like proper ill, but it is. I was on a couch for days. Just coughing. All I could do was cough. I coughed whilst writing the word cough then. Oh, the irony! Can I still use the word ‘writing’ when I was, in fact, typing? Is the word ‘writing’ going to disappear? I hope writing doesn’t go away at some point. I like writing. Not that I write very much. My hand tends to cramp up after about one side of A4. It was one side of A5 not long ago, so I’m doing pretty well. Sometimes you try and push yourself really hard because you’re on a roll and you don’t want to stop because you might forget the specific wording of something, so you push on but the cramps are too much and you cannot, no matter how much you try, you cannot go any further and you get frustrated and you throw your pen against a wall and it breaks. Then, later on in the day you’re out and you have an idea, go to write it down and oh no! Where’s it gone? You bust it. You bust it because you got a cramp and couldn’t write and got angry with it. Now look. You’ve forgotten what you wanted to write down this time already. that’s what happens when you put your life in the hands of a pen. You should have had a laptop and a smartphone.

Fuck writing.

Fuck it.

I’d just like to add that when reading this back I came to the conclusion that the oddest word of the English language it ‘cough’. Look at it loads and keep saying it. It just isn’t right.

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