Miles Lloyd: Un-Funny Cunt Extraordinaire.

That was quite possibly the worst comedy set performed by anybody, anywhere. Except for this one guy called Phil Jones who properly sucks. I think one of the things that didn’t help me was when there was just that asian girl laughing and I referred to her as a ‘chinaman’. Then the only person on my side left for the other team. In my head, that was hilarious, but then I’ve always had a thing for the word ‘chinaman’ ever since I saw The Big Lebowski.

But to be fair, everything I said was hilarious in my head. God, It was sooooo bad! I’m thinking back to it now and I really don’t want to have to. It’s the first time I’ve ever know an act to jump ship halfway through, only to have the MC come and give them a hug onstage and say ‘It’s ok. I still like you’. Christ!

So I left the stage to that. Not to my usual round of applause, but to a cuddle and a few words of comfort. I should never have started with that song. It always goes down well at the end, but once in the past I opened with it and it didn’t work and I have this rule where you try stuff thrice before packing it in. not anymore I don’t. That rule is GONE.

And it gets better! check this shit out – I got halfway to Shepard’s Bush tube when I realized I didn’t have my phone on me. “Where could it be?” I pondered to myself. Back at the fucking venue of course, so I had to go back and sneak in to get my phone. “Hmmm… Where could it be? Where did I have it last” I was thinking. “Oh. That’s right. On stage. It is on the fucking stage” So I then had to walk onto the stage while the next act was on and sheepishly retrieve the fucking thing.

Last week was the worst week of my life. This week is proving to be exactly the same.

Twice dickheads have brought me down to their level of idiotic, vindictive childishness. One of these people thinks I’m a snake and a cunt for looking after someone I care about and they hurt, and the other thinks I’m a two-faced, backstabbing cunt for letting him stay in my house for four months and not calling child services to explain how he makes his daughter miss days of school so he can take ecstasy all night.

Thinking about it… Maybe I am a cunt?

Double Miles! You lucky ladies.

I met my doppleganger though! At my cousins wedding. It was a bit wierd, I’ll be honest. I also discovered how much of a massive waste of money weddings are. We know your in love and want to spend your lives together, you proved this when you got engaged, so shouldn’t getting engaged be enough?


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